A 1:1 love-coaching client recently shared with me how her partner and her had hit a wall in their relationship.
And she didn’t know if she should hold out and weather the storm, or just cut her losses and leave.
It’s a predicament I’ve been in many times myself.
And what I’m going to share with you today really, really helped me the last time I found myself navigating this age old dilemma of whether to stay, or to go.
Holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom once said that when a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off.
You sit still and trust the engineer.
I love this idea of having faith that all will work itself out – especially when we’re struggling in our relationship.
I’ve also found the following 3 concepts extremely effective in helping me overcome the difficult times.
1) PRIORITISE SELF-CARE
I believe that a relationship between two people is just a heightened reflection of the relationship each partner already has with themselves – which is why it’s so important we focus on loving, accepting and taking good care of ourselves above all else.
If you’re going through a rough patch, make sure you really prioritise all the basics – 8 hours sleep, lots of water, regular exercise, eat foods that nourish you and surround yourself with people that love and support you.
If you’re not taking good care of yourself, every single area of your life is bound to suffer – especially your relationship – and you’ll no doubt find yourself reaching for quick, superficial and unhealthy fixes to give yourself a boost (social media, food, booze etc).
I’m also a massive advocate of daily meditation and journaling as a way to process your emotions (you can access some free meditations on theinnerfix.com).
I promise that if you try meditating every day for just a week, you’ll feel significantly less anxious about your relationship and more trusting that everything will work itself out.
2) STOP COMPARING + DESPAIRING
The average person checks their phone up to 110 times a day, and a lot of this time is spent scrolling through carefully curated social media feeds and images.
With the bar set so high, many of us are left feeling extremely insecure, anxious and less-than about our realities – and this can be particularly painful when it comes to our love lives.
If we’re having a hard time in our relationship and at the same time comparing it to the illusory ‘perfect’ relationships everyone else seems to be having (according to their happy holiday snaps on Instagram) – this is only going to make us feel even worse.
For me, it’s crucial to remind myself – constantly – that what I’m being shown is one snapshot of a relationship – not the whole picture.
Equally as important – I have to put strict boundaries around my social media use so that I’m not always at the mercy of the inevitable compare and despair syndrome.
I aim to put my phone on flight mode at 7pm and don’t take it off again until 9am the next morning.
I don’t always manage to stick to this, but when I do I feel so much less anxious and stressed – which is especially important when my partner and I are going through a rough patch.
3) DETACH WITH LOVE
Sometimes, the best thing we can do when things aren’t working is to surrender our control over the people or situations that are causing us grief, and put the focus back on to ourselves, and our life.
Many of us are accustomed to the concept of detachment – but often this can take the form of passive aggression, especially when it comes to our romantic life.
The key to maintaining peace of mind at trying times is to endeavour to detach with a kind and loving attitude.
Create the space for a solution to manifest of its own accord – it’s certainly easier than resisting, manipulating or obsessing!