We’ve all probably been guilty of people pleasing at one point or another. Meeting a friend when we felt like staying home. Saying yes to more work because we thought it would make us look bad if we didn’t. Choosing to go on a date so that the person asking didn’t feel bad.
But a question I have been asking myself lately has been:
‘’Where have I been investing time and effort when I would rather be doing something else but I lack to the confidence to do so because of X,YZ? What am I saying yes to when deep down I want to say no’’
Our intuition plays a big part in how we live our lives and although this may be a vague concept for some of us, that old phrase trust your gut is something that I increasingly rely on these days. The problem is not that you don’t trust your gut it may be that you are so disconnected from your own intuition and wisdom that you simply are not confident or connected enough to say no. You might also be worrying about whether saying no might ultimately lead to feelings of regret or FOMO so the decision is made out of fear and not because you have your best interests at heart.
Now it can be a little tricky to make this transition especially if you feel like this may be a difficult change for you to implement. It requires us to slow down and to really take stock of our lives, to make less impulsive decisions and in a way to get to know ourselves again. We have to prepared to fully admit as to whether we are saying yes because we really want to or because of some deeply ingrained habit of going with the crowd or feelings of guilt.
A good way to start is to understand that when you say no to someone or something you don’t want to do, it really has nothing to do with the other person. You cannot control how the other person is going to feel or act. That choice is entirely up to them. Not you. You can only control how you feel about the situation and no one but you can feel a certain way about anything. Now repeat that to yourself. Do you feel a kind of relief? Is there a little bit of freedom in that statement?
You can start small and test the water. One of the things I’ve found really useful is not to justify my no. At the beginning I would feel like I needed to justify why I didn’t want to do something/ take on a client/ take the job offered like there needed to be a big reason behind it but I’ve found that when I stand in my truth and I say no from a place of connection and have strength in my conviction then there are no need for explanations.
When we start to say YES to what we want more of in life we are empowering ourselves and whether you believe in it or not you are sending out a message, a vibration that you want more of this in your life. More of what you want will naturally start to gravitate in your direction and you will start to be more authentic in your path. Authenticity means you are not motivated by anything other than what your heart desires in that given moment and that is true freedom to make the choices we want.