People pleasers get tired. Like, really, really, really tired. (Yes, that is 3 really’s because it totally deserves that.) People pleasers want everyone around them to always be happy and they do whatever it takes, whatever is asked of them to keep it that way. It becomes a self-induced nightmare. The people pleaser believes they simply must please because if they don’t – what happens? Like, really what happens if they were to say….No.
What if they don’t like me? What if they fire me? What if they leave me? What if they shout at me? So instead they say ‘yes’. They give more and more of themselves, constantly saying ‘yes’ in order to be validated or loved. Or they have just simply told themselves a lie that it is ‘easier that way’.
But here’s the thing. When you really want to say no and end up saying yes, you are telling your ‘self’ that you are not worth being taken care of.
And that, dear reader, is simply not nice.
I’m not talking about being selfish and cold. I am saying that when you put you first, when you stop people pleasing or seeking outside validation, when you truly allow your needs, desires and wants to come first, when you really start to choose to believe that actually, you are worth it – then you real life begins. Your confidence soars, your self-worth sky rockets and your ‘choice’ comes back.
When you break free from the ‘yes’ merry go round and start saying NO, slowly and gently, your soul will ignite and will thank you for putting you first.
And you know I love happy souls…so much so that if you are still not sure how to say no, here are a few tips to get you on your way
- MULL IT OVER
You do not have to reply immediately to anyone. Buy yourself time. Just say you need to ‘check your diary’ or ‘you will think about it’ and come back to the person later on. Take your time.
- SAY IT WITH CONVICTION
When you do say no, remember you do not have to justify yourself, explain or apologise. No in itself is a complete sentence. Say it kindly and with confidence.
- WORK ON IT
Go gently, you may not get it right first time but keep going and you will get there.